Vazirsingh’s Weblog

I was unexpectedly thrust into higher studies for Bachelor of Engineering when I had expected to do something related with nature or humanity.

It so happened that I managed to get 83% in Physics,Chemistry,Maths  and 75.5 % overall.It used to be a decent result back in 1985. I was the proverbial black sheep of my family, so it was a welcome surprise for my father.He had aspired to be an engineer, but faced difficulties due to family obligations.He applied his judgment and chose my path for me.I was apprehensive since the family business was going through a rough patch, and I this was an expense which was not planned.

So I went along and got admitted to a college in Nashik.It was really a town 40 kms away from Nashik.There was a sugar factory which gave the entire area an all pervading smell of molasses.There was no infrastructure. The students lived in concrete barracks bed to bed crammed like sardines, 3 persons in a 14×10 room. The teaching staff was nominal, and there were no text books for the first few months.Guys whiled their time away with various activities.Attending college was a low priority action.The whole setup was so awful that only 4 out of 150 students made the grade that year.I managed to do it by clearing 8 papers out of 10.However students and the colleges themselves protested resulting in the university taking an underwhelming step of allowing everyone to move up the class.The next year however it was the same story.

We moved to the Nashik city and the college hired some space (5-6 rooms) in a commercial complex.There was no boarding anymore.Here the students found more diversions with cinema-halls and the netherworld of the city.The staff improved a bit, the administration was tighter.However the results were no different that year.I was one of the two students to make the grade in Electronics.However the college could not start a class for just 2 students.We left for Pune and scouted various options.What I realised was that the institutes were commercial in nature and most were inclined to take advantage of the situation by demanding either donations, or kickbacks or advance fees.My father was willing to raise the money by getting loans,but I could not see my father’s head bowed due to my successful results.I refused to get admission and spent one year teaching my collegemates without fees. Teaching came easily to me.This was informal and not official.I could not explain my decisions as people thought that I had lost it.I explained to the curious that I took a year off to cover up for the 4 subjects which were ATKT (allowed to keep term).

During this year I got the biggest lesson of my life.I got a medal that is etched so deep that it helps me steady myself whenever I have doubt.

I was approached one day by a group of friends during exam time.They had the next days exam paper which was being traded for money.I was offended, as I could not reconcile with the idea of cheating.This is not the education my father was trying to get me!!.However they thought I was refusing it for money.They offered it free, and requested me to provide answers.My reputation as a good student was the reason they had approached me in the first place.I refused, and walked away from them.Soon I was approached by my flatmates. They were in an awkard situation. They could not pass on their own, and a year was at stake for them unlike me.I had already secured the promotion and chosen to take a drop remember.I had to permit them to follow their choices.

So there I was with my entire educational foundation shook up. Just 3-4 people could resist temptation.I spent the night wide awake.I wanted to take the next train home,as I was totally disillusioned with the world.There was no justice for a poor man’s son I thought. To succeed, you had to become as corrupt as the system, I thought.My anger found itself manifested through self-injury.I am Shiva I thought.I will drink the poison.I had to stay awake. My cigarette found its way to the base of my left thumb.It charred and burned the flesh.It kept me awake.I stopped when the friends from the other room smelt the flesh and intervened.

Some inner voice told me,do not run. It is easy to accept defeat.It is easy to cheat and succeed. No one cares.However we live with ourselves every momemt.We know.

I appeared for the exam in the state I was.I failed the exam by getting 36 marks instead of 40.I would have cleared comfortably if the events had not taken place.The entire class passed barring a handful of exceptions.

For me this was a success with distinction.I passed with flying colors, though I may have failed the paper.I have never cheated in an exam. There is no power in the world which will allow this son of a poor man to take shortcuts to success.There are not any.

The wound is losing its glory, and is getting assimilated with the background.Not many notice my medal.I look at it whenever the world’s corruption weighs me down, and I get recharged to take on the world.

I thank my parents for making me what I have become.I thank God for giving me self-belief. I thank the world for giving me the challenge.I thank my education for giving me character.

I thank my wife & friends for accepting me. My brother for supporting me.My sister and children for loving me unconditionally. In fact there are endless blessings to be thankful for.No one can take that away from me. Nothing will extinguish the flame of hope as long as my medal shines through.