This is the 3rd nest I have seen in the past 5 months since I moved into this rented flat/apartment. One nest was in a cranny, its eggs were out of sight. The young pigeons hatched and grew and then flew away,unobserved by me.

The second nest was built on the balcony floor, and it had 2 eggs. My girls saw the hatching and the young pigeons in their downy avatar as they had come down for Diwali vacations. Within a few weeks, these pigeons grew and developed their plumage. We saw their first hesitant flight from the floor to the railing. They looked like the adults in all respect,but you could tell by their shinier necks and flight that they were not adults.The parents continued feeding them. Till one day they flew away.Soon dust gathered, and the empty nest was the only reminder of their existence.I cleaned up the nest and the droppings which had messed up the entire balcony floor by this time.

Just recently I saw one solitary egg laid at the same place as the earlier nest was.It was on the floor,without any nest. I remembered the mess created by the earlier hatchlings, so I put a wire mesh on the egg to inhibit the pigeons from hatching the egg. Soon an another pigeon pair started building a twig nest in the other corner of the same balcony. I scattered the twigs across the balcony floor, but within hours the industrious birds rebuilt the nest. One day,I saw 2 eggs in the new nest. I casually mentioned this to my wife, & she advised me to let the birds hatch, so that our girls could see them when they came here in about a  months time. So I uncovered the wire mesh.Then I moved the new nest to the location of the old nest. I then put all the 3 eggs together,and patted myself on the back for the kindness I was showing the birds.

The next day, when I visited the gallery, I saw that the nest had vanished!! All that remained was a solitary egg. The birds were angry!! They simply did not want to hatch any egg they had not birthed. After 2 days the remaining egg also vanished.

Why am I writing this long & dreary tale,you may wonder? Just answer one question.Are birds really different from humans when it comes to being parents? Kids will grow and leave the nests, and the empty shells of our nests and droppings of life/memories will remain, till the maker sweeps it all away. New nests will be built in the same place…

I ask, where did we go wrong?

She says, it is for my own good.

I wonder how?

I change my life, take a new challenge, just to be with her in her old age,

when she needs me most, I thought.

But she pushes me away,and it is for my own sake.

I still dont get it, why?

Maybe I need her more, and….

I remember epictetus and reconcile with a few tears.

Time to move on.

Nothing stays forever for “No One”

I read the line from a fb connection. It forced me to stop and take a check. Where indeed did all those people go?

I remember walking down the street in Nashik, late in the night with a pint sized friend. We made an absurd figure, I was big even as a 19 yr. old. My friend Zen mentioned the age old formula of friendship,vowing to be ever deeply connected. The cynic in me cautioned him, and mentioned that I would be surprised if the statement would stand a 10 year test.

It did not. 25 years later,I keep searching the net for his existence, to reach out and atleast get re-acquainted.

Life is full of friends who have passed through the revolving doors,coming and exiting with every relocation,job or house or city or country.

The list is long. But yes, the heart does ask me softly sometimes. Where did all those people go?

Nostalgia? Is that the reason.

Or is it that they represent parts of your existence.They validate your past. Your shared joy, your shared pain. They also provide an opportunity to compare notes on the visions we had, and the results we achieved.

As a 19 year old, I had very little understanding of where life would take me.

I wish and hope that one day, I will be able to write about all these wonderful people & build fantasies around their lives from the time we parted. These fantasies will live as per our wishes during those days.It is like you wished to be an astronaut as a child and ended up as a store-keeper. It is like the store-keeper fantasising his life as a astronaut.

Quixotic this may be. But fantasies are the constituent of the fantastic. I hope I dont settle for anything less. This would be my tribute to those friends who used the revolving doors.

The key to a fulfilling life is balance. Currently life is slightly off balance due to the forced isolation from my family. I drown my time in senseless activities (or rather passivity).

But this is but a passing phase. Come April, and life will overflow with change. Family will relocate from Mira road, and everyone starts getting used to a new life.

Joining CSC in Noida fulfilled 3 needs.Proximity to Agra/HP (roots), children’s education (future growth) & career (current growth). The 3 counterpoints were disruption of bonds, reduced effective compensation, reduced quality of life. After 3 months, I look back and feel the same.

CSC proved to be different for sure.I have a different KRA,different work style & less personal bonding in the team environment.Works fine for me.Life balances out.It gives some,and subtly takes away some.

Met a few interesting people already.I can visualise a long term relationship (till the next uprooting!!!).I have invested some emotional energy in a couple of friends,hopefully this would have made a positive contribution in their lives too.

The 2 yr. forced separation from my family has extended further to next year due to children’s school. This has actually helped me understand and appreciate my family better.